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Today was the first day of classes, and I decided to keep writing about my drama classes and adventures in theatre, despite the fact that I don't have to. I think it's important to keep writing about what I learned, and to keep writing in general. It gives me something to really reflect on and I can keep coming back to read about things I have learned and things I need to work on still.

I love that acting classes make me the most and least self-conscious all at the same time. But like Jim said, don't worry about looking stupid, because if we're all doing it, we're all going to look stupid together. Sure it's not profound but it's inspiring nonetheless.

Class began with attendance and a speech of sorts. Then we got up and did some moving. We were instructed to warm up to the music, in anyway we wanted. The first peice of music was flowy and smooth and I felt like interpretive dancing, sort of. I just moved swiftly and slowly and as gracefully as I could. The second peice had a beat and lyrics and it made me smile. It was much easier to move to.

Then we layed down on the floor and began a vocal exercise of sorts. It reminded me so much or Raymon's classes and full open vibration. We were instructed to just "ahhh" for 8 counts. To add a sort of objective Jim told us we were on a roller coaster going up that first hill and into the fall of doom. I hate roller coasters, but it made me laugh because it reminded me of a Jerry Sienfield joke; getting married when you don't want to is like going up that first hill of the roller coaster. I guess you need to see it if you don't think it's funny. Anyway, the exercise ended when we were told to laugh at the end. Apparantly laughing on stage is difficult to do, real laughter that is. At the beginning the laughter was forced, but I couldn't help but actually laugh. I was reminded of Raymon's class again. Once we just laughed for 10 minutes about nothing. And it was genuinely funny, it was real laughter. I am laughing now thinking about it.

We moved into a sort of sharing exercise where we shared what the world and what my world is. I said that the world is corrupt, my oyster, a gift and is being destroyed. I was last and I felt a need to be different, but I wasn't just saying these things to be different. The world is corrupt in my eyes. Everything is about money, how to get it, spend it, change it. Morals don't mean anything to anyone anymore. I guess it's just my religious choices that make me think the world is corrupt, but whatever. It is. The world is my oyster because I can do anything I want, within reason of course. I mean, consequences need to be considered. The world is a gift, life is a gift; we've been given this from the Creator and we need to acknowledge the world for what it is, it's not our own, we didn't create it, yet we are destorying it. I am not a huge 'hippy' tree hugger but I do feel sad every time I see a Subway cup or Pita Pit wrapper on the ground. Genuinly sad. I do the best I can in my situation, I try to recycle and make a conscious effort to think about how long it takes things to decompose.

I shared that my world is loud, moralistic, dangerous, pink and ever-changing. It's loud simply because I am loud. It's moralistic for so many reasons. I have so many morals and this has really been on my mind lately because I have a zero tolerance for things and I have a hard time respecting people who do those things and recently some people who I really looked up and respected did something that I do not agree with and I don't know what I think about them anymore. I know I am being super vague, but you don't need to know everything! It's dangerous because of my past and my.. well I guess disorders. I have generalized anxiety disorder and paranoid personality disorder and these to conditions seriously impair and interfere in my life causing panic attacks, among other things. It gets scary sometimes. It's pink because I love pink. And it's ever changing, which is self explanitory.

It was interesting to hear what everyone else was saying about the world and their world. Someone shared that their world was full of bad things that only make them stronger. I wanted to know what they were talking about, specifically. But obviously it was unreasonable to expect them to share something so personal with people they hardly knew. It was so easy to pick out the optimists in class. As a pessimist, I sort of just dismissed everything they said, but sometimes I do think the world is beautiful, but in my frame of mind, it's easier for me to pick out the bad things.

The purpose behind this listing exercise was a lesson. Jim said that there is safety in lists, and it's true. With one answer it feels like you need to justify yourself, but with a list, people get lost and reasons don't really seem to matter. You can't be out there on stage during the 5th show of a run and reciting your lines like their a list. They need justification and energy.

We began a singing exercise. Jim told us to sing O Canada. After we finished, he told us we sang it like it was a list. And we did. I remember thinking that we sounded awful (not our singing voices!) because we seriously lacked enthusiasm. He told us to sing it again with more gusto, but we still weren't up to scratch. He decided to add a situation to give us a motive. We were POW's in a dingy cell (ala Hostel three apparantly). We were all Canadians being held prisoners in our own country due to some sort of take over (someone said from the Germans, I had to laugh). The key thing was that singing O Canada was outlawed. The last person to sing it was dragged away and presumably killed. If we sang it, soldiers would come in and get us.

So, we sang. And honestly, I don't remember what happened when because we sang it so many times. The time that stands out in my mind was when we all gathered on one side of the room and had our arms over each other, a real sort of rebellion. It felt passionate, but something was missing, and I noticed it before Jim pointed it out. No one was responding. I was the person who was supposed to start the song in this cell. No one was reacting to the fact that this person was singing an outlawed song that was going to get them killed. The last time we did it I remember emphasizing the "free" part of the song. I'm sure harmonized isn't the word, but I tried to emphasize it. It felt good.

Then we went over the course outline and et cetera.

I think I am really going to enjoy this class. I am glad to see familiar faces, and to meet new ones too.

In This Summer Air

So I guess I will start off this day of posts with an explaination of my summer theatrical exploits. First off, I was in Saskatoon Summer Players production of Seussical the Musical. Then I was in Single and Sexy (later renamed to The Real World: University of Saskatchewan, much to the dismay of the cast) which was performed at the first day of Orientation.

So, Seussical. I had already done Seussical when I auditioned for it, and I was very nervous. I knew one person who was auditioning and mostly I am not comfortable with my own singing voice. I practiced like mad. I got a friend who played Gertrude (the female lead) in my high school's production of it to send me the sheet music for the audition song (Notice Me Horton) and I borrowed my roomate's keyboard. I have no idea how to play piano. I labelled the keys and highlighted all the notes that were the same, it looked ridiculous, but it worked. Anyway, I got a part in the chorus, which I was GLAD to accept.

Into the rehearsal process now, pain in the ass. We moved three times and it was so confusing. I had so much trouble picking up on choreography because I missed the first few rehearsals. I was also having trouble not singing when it wasn't my part. In my first run of the show, I was a bird girl and I couldn't stop singing thier parts, it was kind of embarrassing, but I did it absent mindedly. Anyway, as much as I felt like we weren't ready for the show, we got through it. Despite... interupptions.

Now, I work(ed) in a kitchen during the run and I have a severe and annoying allergy to cilantro (AKA corriander). During the first Saturday show, the cooks made a cilantro covered chicken and a curry soup (curry powder includes ground coriander). I can't touch it OR eat it. I swore I was so careful, but I must have eaten it because I got so sick and spent lots of numbers in the bathroom. I missed lots of numbers too. It was awful.

All in all I would say it was an enjoyable experience and I made so many new friends. <3

On to Single and Sexy now. This is going to sound super lame, but the casting story makes me happy. When I went to Orientation in my first year and saw this play, I almost died laughing. My Seager friends and I referenced it all year, quoting and whatnot. When I auditioned for it I was so excited, I wanted to be a part of it so bad. It was weeks before the director got in touch with anybody and he had all the roles cast but one. Now, this one couldn't be decided upon and it was a female role. I wanted it so bad.

I recieved an email from the director and he voiced his casting woes. His associate in casting, the old victim advocate, did not want to cast me in the last role. But he did. The reasoning for not casting me was that on my audition sheet, I said I was not comfortable with homosexuality. But between the time of auditioning and this email, I had had some sort of brain wave and completley accepted homosexuality; my religious convictions were holding me back but when I relized that God loves homosexuals as much as the most religious, I had to end my dislike for them. It's sort of complicated, but it happened. I remember the day I marched into the Pride Centre and delcared an end to my tyranny and discrimination of homosexuals and got my ally button. Anyway, I told the director my long winded story and I was cast! As soon as he told me, I started crying. That's the lame part. I love this play so much and to be cast was amazing.

The rehearsal process started sometime in early summer with a few table reads, and then nothing until a very intensive August. There's really nothing to say about it, it was rehearsing. It was angering when people didn't know their shit, it was embarassing when I didn't know my shit. Jokes were made, friendships were built. Which I was so happy for. I was working with some truly amazing actors and people who I look up to a lot. I am pleased that I got to work with them once before they graduated.

Show day came and I felt like shit. I don't think I was nervous, until about two seconds before I went on. Haha. But we did it, and it was awesome. The audience ate it up and laughed and cried (on the inside). It was so much fun. I wish we could do it again, even though we all kept saying it was lame and whatnot.

I am really enjoying the 'fame' that is coming as a result of the show. Well, at least I am famous amonst the first years. When I was walking home after the show people kept telling me it was awesome. I was on campus last night and when I was leaving around 10:30, a few people were like "HEY YOU! Were you in the show at orientation?" Of course I responded yes and they started cheering and shouting that it was awesome and hilarious.

I hope I get a chance to do the show again next year and maybe one year direct it. Don't make fun of my dreams.

I Pray You, Pardon Me

I just wanted to apologize for my lack of journals and effort in the journals this term. Things have been really hectic on my end, but I understand that that is no excuse. Here is what I know has happened in drama.

Due to my noon show, I have been unable to attend Monday classes in March. I remember coming after rehearsal one night and I joined a discussion of actor’s responsibility to the playwright. What is the actor’s responsibility to perform the play exactly as written? And with the stage directions? I have a strong opinion on this, because I am a rule player and obsessive compulsive and paranoid. Things need to be done as written or as told. A playwright includes the stage directions in the play because that’s how he or she wants it performed. If it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t be in the script. Granted that some stage directions seem overdone or unnecessary, it is not an argument of an actor’s freedom to perform. You have free will to say the lines how you want and to block the scene in correlation to the written stage directions. I voiced this opinion and Raymon totally freaked on me. I understand that I wasn’t there and that they probably did something to reach this conversation, but I was still taken aback and moderately offended when I was told to listen and not speak. I understand the purpose, and I hold no hard feelings, but that’s how I felt at the time.

One night (last Wednesday I am pretty sure) we read this weird play Japanese play. And when I say weird, I mean WEIRD. It was about this person, I think it was a girl, hiding the body of her dead grandmother. I didn’t and don’t really understand the play, I think it has to link back to Kabuki theatre or some other kind of Japanese theatre that I am not to familiar with. Anyway, the play was made weirder in the way that we read it. There were no assigned parts. People read when they felt like it and it didn’t matter who it was or how many people spoke. While it was an interesting experience, plays are not meant to be read that way! Call me stubborn, call me classical, but I hold strong views and it is very hard to change them. This play led to a debate about the soul. Coming from a Christian background, I see the soul as something holy and godlike, and I tried to explain this as best I could. I found it shocking that there were people who couldn’t believe in a soul and challenged the existence of everything they can not see. It’s about faith. Not about proof.

I hope that things get more regular with me and acting and these journals, but for this week, things are going to be even crazier with rehearsals and tech rehearsals (etc). My sincere apologies for my lack of effort.

Though Dost Perform

Tonight was ‘show’ night. We had a short discussion at the beginning of class about order. It was decided that Graham and I would go third. Which is good, three is my lucky number.

When I walked in, Graham cornered me and demanded we run through lines. I wanted to slap him. Sorry dear, you know I love you but your constant need to rehearse is frustrating. He had it all down pat a while ago, I didn’t see the necessity, but I succumbed anyway.

While half of the class went with Raymon to discuss… something, the rest of us for prepared to present. Graham and I did a quick run through, this was our first time with an actual pillow, so I thought it would be good to practice at least once with it.

I am one of those actors that gets nervous, but once I get up there and start doin’ my thang, I get really into it and relaxed and by the end I want more. I remember watching Jessica and James’ scene and sort of internally freaking out.

Then we were up. We did it, it was ok. Could have been better, but it could have been MUCH worse. Even though I love Othello, I just wanted to get this done. It’s not as if I fretted coming to class to do it, or didn’t rehearse. I just felt like it was over done. Like doing it more would only be like kicking a man when he’s down, hitting something with your car and backing up to hit it again (man, I am full of metaphors lately!). I just felt relieved to get this off my plate. Even though there is another scene coming up.

I enjoyed watching every else’s scenes. Especially the ones I hadn’t seen before. No offence to anyone, but I was bored watching the ones I had already seen (note my last journal entry). Everyone did a very good job.

A Change Upon You?

Tonight was the last night of rehearsal before we performed our scenes. I had missed some classes to due noon show rehearsals so I was a little behind and rusty when it came to my scene. But we pulled through in the end.

We just sort of rehearsed together with our partners for a while, straightening things out and working on lines. Graham really likes to rehearse and make sure that everything is perfect. While I am a self professed perfectionist, I didn’t think we needed to keep going and going and going.

People volunteered to show their work to the class and receive feedback from everyone. Graham and I went first. No, I have to get this off my chest, because if I don’t, it’s going to frustrate me to no end. I HATE SHOWING THE CLASS MY SCENE BEFORE THE PERFORMANCE DATE. It’s like serving undercooked meat at a restaurant or burying someone who is still alive. It’s not ready yet. While I understand that the point of this is to get suggestions and feedback, I just feel like we can work it out for ourselves, it’s our scene. Plus it takes all the suspense and surprise out of show night. That being said, we showed the class our scene.

It went well, certain things and lines, of course, got a little jumbled, but it still worked. We received feedback from the faces of shocked onlookers on how to make the scene stronger. While I am sure these will be taken into consideration when we perform, I can’t say that we will change just because someone tells us to.

I Do Fail

Tonight we began with a circle and we discussed… something. I forget. Then I showed everyone my tattoo. It was sweeeeet.

Then we got up and just did some opening activities with our partner; stretching, vocal etc. We then gave each other a hand and arm massage. Under normal circumstances, I don’t like being touched but tonight it was nice. It felt relaxing and totally comfortable.

But let’s get down to the bulk of tonight’s work shall we?

We began work on our scenes, which makes me happy because I like to work on scenes, with an Italian Line Run. Normally I am good at Italian Line Runs, but tonight I was not on top of things. With 3 acting projects on the go, things are getting a little bit mixed up and over scheduled and I am just behind in everything. Anyway, I felt bad for having to keep looking at the script, especially when Graham and I had a big chat about patience. But we got through it and we both felt that we need to work on emotions in this scene. It is a very emotional scene, in which a man must commit a murder that he is not sure he wants to do. It’s quite touching (everyone read Othello!).

We kept messing up and stuff, but we got the rhythm eventually. It’s a very powerful scene, and there is a lot of physicality as well as important speech. It’s really important that we get across what the scene is about in our actions and emotions, because most people have trouble understanding Shakespeare. I am going to try to work on my expressions and get into a Desdemona like state of timidity and submissiveness.

When Raymon asked who wanted to show their scene, I really didn’t care. Graham volunteered us so I went with the flow.

When we began rehearsing the scene some time ago, I remember Graham timidly asking me if it was ok if he kissed me on the forehead. I am a pretty easy going actor, I mean like, this class has taught me to cross my own boundaries (not that kissing is one) and enter into another person’s. It was just something that had to be done, well, it WAS in the script. Haha.

But whenever we would practice, he would just say “… and then I kiss you…” Personally, I thought it was funny that he wouldn’t do it, but that’s why it shocked me so much when he did it in front of the class. But I knew I had to keep the scene going.

Our scene is so powerful, and we need to maintain this power throughout the entire scene. I am excited to see where the suggestions from everyone take us, hopefully to a whole other realm of intensity. I know there is going to be some slapping and grabbing, but I seriously wasn’t ready for when Graham grabbed my shoulders so close to my new tattoo. Ouch!

And Yet I Feel I Fear

Tonight was a night of goodbyes and hellos; of excitement and sadness; of lies and fun. I was excited to begin doing what I call real scenes. Something that is not pointless. You know what I mean.

I went to John Mitchell early so I could practice a song for an audition (this is a key part of the night so bear with me). My song kind of fell apart and I wanted to find a stapler. I went into Raymon’s office and I was looking around peoples desks for a stapler but I couldn’t find one. Upon my search, I happened across the list of partners and scripts for these scenes. I almost died when I saw that I was doing a scene from Othello. I love Shakespeare and Othello is one of my favourites (among the likes of Hamlet and The Taming of the Shrew).

I couldn’t wait for Raymon to hand out the scenes so we could start reading and getting ready. But no! Raymon had to talk for what seemed like the whole class before we actually got somewhere. Not that what he said wasn’t beneficial.

I am pumped for this essay / research paper because I have already read and seen Othello at least three times and I want to write about one of the actors I respect the most; Kenneth Branagh. He played Iago in a version of Othello. I guess maybe this would be the best moment to explain the plot of Othello. In a nutshell, Othello (a black man, this is CRUCIAL to the plot) and Desdemona (a white woman) move to this city in Italy because Othello is a big wheel in the army. Desdemona develops a friendship with a man, Cassio, and Othello’s close friend / advisor Iago starts to tell Othello that they are having an affair. Othello is a jealous man and he ends up falling for Iago’s lies and smothers Desdemona with a pillow. Iago is the antagonist in Othello. And man, does Branagh play a good Iago (as well as a fantastic Hamlet and a hilarious Lockhart).

Anyway, back to class and enough of my obsession with Branagh and Shakespeare. We got the scenes and a brief explanation of each scene or theatre style. It was interesting I have seen or read a few of the plays scenes were assigned from. School for Scandal is a VERY funny play and I wish I was doing it. As well as Othello, haha.

Then we got together with our old partners, as a chance to say goodbye. I’m glad we got this chance, because I wanted to do it. I loved being partners with Dan. I am glad I had the opportunity to thank him and say goodbye. I think both of us needed it. I feel like the strings got cut and that we were both satisfied with our professional relationship.

Then we got together with our new partners and did sort of get to know you exercise. One of us sat on the floor while the other person just looked at them and took them in. We looked at their face and noticed things about it. We just noticed things. About the way they were sitting or what they looked like as a young kid. Usually I would feel very self conscious about an exercise like this, but I felt very comfortable with Graham. I think we both took it seriously and all the while, we looked at each other in the eyes. It made it much more real and sincere.

Then we moved into a game where our partners would do something or say something to us and if we reacted in a certain way, we would have to do something else, but if we didn’t, they would have to do something else. For example, if I did something that shocked Graham, he had to go out to the hallway with all the other people who reacted (or whose partners didn’t) and Raymon would tell them to do something else. It was interesting and cool and creepy. It was a great way to act. Playing different short parts. It was a great way to get to know your partner and yours and their limitations.

It was a good night, even though we didn’t really get started on the scenes. I am looking forward to this new section of work, working with a new partner and doing Othello!

You Go About to Torture Me

Tonight was the night that we formally presented our long and short Liverpool scenes. I always wonder if these performances are necessary. Everyone sees and hears the work done in class and I find it hard to believe that it would be interesting because they’ve seen it a lot. At least, that’s how I feel sometimes. I’ve seen so many people working on their scenes, and sometimes Raymon just stops everyone and says watch these people. It’s really not all that interesting to watch the performance if you’ve seen it over and over. But I guess maybe it’s the process and progress that counts.

Anyway, we began the class with a little bit of practice and then Raymon split us up and took half the class down to another room and gave the other half more practice time. I was in the first group in the other room. We just discussed things that we should look for in other’s scenes and what makes a good scene. I’m often really incoherent when there isn’t a lot of time to think about something, and I am a much better writer than I am a speaker. I find it hard to explain my thoughts and feelings when I have to give an oral response right away. I knew what I was trying to say, but I couldn’t get it out and no one could understand me. It was frustrating. We decided that the qualities of a good scene are connection, concentration and chemistry. The hard thing is to gain these attributes.

Then we went upstairs to the room and watched the scenes.

Then it was our turn to practice. Dan and I originally did our apple scene as a starving couple who only have an apple left between them. They each want the other to have it and are willing to sacrifice their own lives so the other can eat the apple. During our rehearsing, Dan and I decided to change it to a scene where these two people want an apple, the only apple left, and they are telling the other to have it, when really they are sneaking towards it to get it. In the end, we jump on the apple and fight over it. It was great and great fun.

I feel as though Dan and I accomplished what we wanted to. We wanted it to seem like the Saw movies, and that came across well. I remember hearing someone say “OMG It’s like Saw!” and I really want to smile, but I didn’t.

It was really good and really fun, even if it wasn’t a “real” scene.